Me, My Friends and Igorot Stuff in Between

Part 1. They came, they saw, they got conquered.


Mike (my Davaoeno kumpare): "Pare malapit na ba?"
Me (100% Igorot): "About an hour".
One hour later.
Mike:"Pare malapit na ba?".
Me:"See that sign?"
He smiles. Excited ang pucha.
Mike: "Pare! Pare!". He wakes everyone else.
Evryone else reads the sign: "Baguio!"

Teddy the Elevator man

The Pantry Wars

Sa pantry. Kumakain si Teddy. Mr. Toling joins Teddy.
"Teddy". Mr Toling nods as he takes his seat.
"Mr. Toling". Teddy nods as he farts.
Mr. Toling stands up, covers his nose and leaves.
Teddy is left with a develish smile as he gulps his final coke sip.

Teddy the Elevator man

Fart 3

"Yes Im coming down". Mr Toling to his cellphone as he heads to the just opened elevator.
"Elevator Full, Please get off". Sounds the elevator.
"Sir, next nalang po kayo" says Teddy as he nods and winks at Mr. Toling.
Mr Toling goes out with a devilish smile.
Teddy closes the elevator.
Silence.
The End

Teddy the Elevator Man

Fart 2


"Good Morning Teddy"
"Good morning Mr Toling"
Teddy goes out of the elevator. Does something. Smiles at Mr. Toling and goes back in the elevator. Mr Toling nods in agreement.
"That’s better Teddy"
Katahimikan ulit while the elevator slowly goes up.
"Poooot"
"Damn it Teddy!"
The End

Teddy the Elevator Man

Oh Fart Part 1

"Good morning Teddy".
"Good morning Mr. Toling"

Teddy closes the elevator sabay pindot ng 14th floor. Ang executive floor.

Katahimikan while the elevator goes slowly up.

"Pooooot".

"Damn it Teddy!".

The end.

My Graduation Day

I graduated highschool ten years ago. That day was special. You see, my father came late so I have to march with my sister. Anyway, after the ceremony ended, I saw him at the back row of the gym. I felt sad he did not see me receive my diploma but still, I took a deep breath, smiled my best smile and walked towards him. He was about to explain why he was late but I stopped him. I simply thanked him for coming while I showed my diploma. While we were exiting the gym, I can see parents giving gifts to my fellow grauates. My dad saw it too and I knew how he might have felt. I know deep inside him he was crushed by the fact that he did't give me something. But I totally understood. We have no extra money for gifts. So we went to a small store. He bought me and my sister coke and "pande coco". He never said a word. He just smiled all the time. We just sat there. No words said as we slowly enjoyed his 50 peso treat.

my lawyer friend

my lawyer friend


Noong December of 2006, inimbitahan ako ng isa kung kumpare sa Sta Ana Manila for a birthday. Kain. Inom. Yes inom. I'll talk about inom more than the kain. So habang umiinom kami, tinanung ako nung isa sa mga guest na lawyer.

Lawyer: So Kris, I heard you're from Baguio (English kasi medyo sosyal
na party to)

Kris: Opo.

Lawyer: Oh, maganda dun, malamig. Last month may conference kami dun. Paubos narin mga Igorot dun ano?

Kris: Huh?

Lawyer (He pressed on, imagine that): Kasi parang iilan nalang nakita namin sa Botanical Gardens e. May mga pictures nga kami e. How about you, may kakilala ka pa ba dun na Igorot?

Kris: My mader dear and pader dear.

He stood up, apologized, offered me more drinks, gave his card and promised to help on legal matters and as we both got drunk we discovered more common things about us.

Dahil nalasing ako noong pauwi kami, I tripped sa parking lot and accidentally pushed a ladder. It fell and smashed the windsheil of a brand new mercedez benz. Nobody saw me but being a good citizen of this
beautiful country, iniwan ko calling card ko and a note.

Kinabukasan, tinawagan ako ng insurance agent nung may ari ng benz. Damage will cost around 68 fucking thousand pesos!

Then I remembered my new lawyer friend. So I asked if there is way for me to atleast lower my liability or even escape the damages. After I gave the details including the letter from the insurance Company, he blushed
as if his pants got tightened and said:

Lawyer: Anak ka ng pukingina ka, akin yun e!